Just throwing this out there: I have to say that I am impressed. I have always been one to shy away from the "unbelievable". I never watched cartoons when I was younger, and I hated superhero movies because they weren't real. So why these books have become an addiction is beyond me......
I love the Twilight series. I am on the third book, which I will finish by time I go to bed in the morning. I just started the first one 2 days ago. I'm trying to slow down though, and savor the anticipation, for I know that after the next book it will end......
I am amazed. Kudos, Stephenie Meyer.
I kind of secretly want to date a vampire. Just throwing that out there too.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
tough couple of weeks
The past couple of weeks have been difficult, watching my patient struggle (the one I previously mentioned) Because he's been getting chemo delivered to his brain, he has had some pretty intense side effects that we didn't know if they were merely side effects, or if they were tumor taking over the brain. One day when I got to work, he had gotten on the commode (somehow...). I went back in the room to help him get back in bed, and it seriously took us over 15 minutes to get him 2 feet from where he was. We'd tell him to move his right foot. His brain wouldn't communicate to his body. So I'd tap his right leg. "Move this leg. The one I am touching right now." He'd think real hard, and it'd move a centimeter. It was quite the process. Eventually it got to the point where he couldn't do anything for himself. It was so hard to care for him. I mean, it's so easy to care for him, because I would do anything for him. I would gladly spend all day cleaning his rear end than be with any of my other patients. But it broke my heart... to see how quickly cancer changes you. It is powerful. It is toxic.
So there were quite a few days that he was unable to do anything for himself. Anything. He was unable to communicate well. He didn't speak much, which is such a change from the day I met him (when he wouldn't shut up :-)). His labs were getting worse. The chemo was wiping his system out.
A week ago, I drove up to school and went to Tea Time. That night, Dr. Quanstrom came to speak to the group about prayer. It was such a simple, open conversation. But it helped me realize why we pray: because God answers. Right? Otherwise we wouldn't pray. He challenged us to pray without limitation. Not to assume that our prayer was out of God's capability. Because nothing is.
So this past week, I have been praying like God was answering my prayer. I wrestled with him. I would listen to the song "Beg" by Shane & Shane and start crying, begging for God to move in this situation. This song was the cry of my heart. I kind of downright demanded that God act quickly in this situation. And you know what?.... well, keep reading.
The past few days hadn't seemed like much of a change. He was finally able to make eye contact, and could somewhat respond to questions, but there weren't any huge signs of healing. Sunday, however, his daughter said that he finally asked her if he could eat something. He said he was hungry (he had been on a feeding tube because he wasn't able to eat). That alone was huge. Any sign of appetite or willingness to try..... is great. He ate a couple of bites, not much. But it's something.
Well today, I walked in after my lunch break, and surprise! He was sleeping (go figure; that seems to be the thing to do when I come visit). His wife and daughter filled me in though- he was doing so much better. I saw that he wasn't connected to his tube feeding anymore. "He ate a meal last night. I asked him if it was because he knew he needed to eat, or if it was because he was hungry. And he said he was hungry," his daughter said. I smiled. Praise God! Even for an appetite. They said he had been up, walking around the room during the morning. My jaw dropped. Just a week ago, he couldn't even move his leg an inch. And here he was, strolling around the room?! Unfathomable. I told them I'd come back when he was awake before I left for the day.
So I returned around 3- I saw his wife in the hall and she said he was awake, eating some lunch. So I knocked on the door and peeked my head in. He had his back to me, so I tip toed over. His wife and daughter smiled, waiting for his reaction. I popped my head around the side of the bed. He put his fork down, and almost shoved his tray onto his wife's lap. "HIIIII BABY!" he proclaimed, as he made space for me to hug him. He held me for a while. Me, smiling the whole time. "I missed you!" "I know, I missed you too. Want to stay with us tonight?" Haha we all laughed. His wife was telling me how he walked out to the hallway today, and there were 4 nurses standing around. "There he was in all his glory, with all of the attention on him." Joe shook his head. "No..... not true. Autumn wasn't there," he said, as he smiled. I almost couldn't breathe.... he was cracking jokes again, like he used to do. He was holding conversations. He was making all of us laugh. He was explaining to me what the doctors had said- he gets to go home this weekend, if things stay the way they're going. He pulled out pictures of a previous MRI with the one he had today. Where there once was a quarter/50 cent piece sized white/gray area (tumor), there was a small blur..... A SMALL BLUR!!!!! I got tears in my eyes, and had to look away, as my jaw started to quiver. The only thing that made me not burst out bawling was him joking about the past week. "I am so embarrassed. You wiped SHIT from my crack!" He kept saying how horrible it must have smelled, and such. I couldn't stop laughing.
He is back.......
And I stand in awe of the significance of him in my life..... the lessons that God is teaching me through him. I put limitations on God. I brought small things to Him, because I didn't trust Him to do big things. I confined Him to this box.... God cannot be confined. He is more powerful than disease. He is more powerful than toxicity. God cannot be stopped......
I am so thankful..... I could not be happier..... I still sit here beaming, with a thankful heart. Praise God!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD! What an answer to prayer!!!!! What an incredible lesson.
Please continue to pray for him. He is not in the clear..... but this is a wonderful start. :-) Let this serve as encouragement.... wrestle with God. He desires that physical contact with you. He wants to see you make your positions. He wants to see your faith build.... and He is faithful.
So there were quite a few days that he was unable to do anything for himself. Anything. He was unable to communicate well. He didn't speak much, which is such a change from the day I met him (when he wouldn't shut up :-)). His labs were getting worse. The chemo was wiping his system out.
A week ago, I drove up to school and went to Tea Time. That night, Dr. Quanstrom came to speak to the group about prayer. It was such a simple, open conversation. But it helped me realize why we pray: because God answers. Right? Otherwise we wouldn't pray. He challenged us to pray without limitation. Not to assume that our prayer was out of God's capability. Because nothing is.
So this past week, I have been praying like God was answering my prayer. I wrestled with him. I would listen to the song "Beg" by Shane & Shane and start crying, begging for God to move in this situation. This song was the cry of my heart. I kind of downright demanded that God act quickly in this situation. And you know what?.... well, keep reading.
The past few days hadn't seemed like much of a change. He was finally able to make eye contact, and could somewhat respond to questions, but there weren't any huge signs of healing. Sunday, however, his daughter said that he finally asked her if he could eat something. He said he was hungry (he had been on a feeding tube because he wasn't able to eat). That alone was huge. Any sign of appetite or willingness to try..... is great. He ate a couple of bites, not much. But it's something.
Well today, I walked in after my lunch break, and surprise! He was sleeping (go figure; that seems to be the thing to do when I come visit). His wife and daughter filled me in though- he was doing so much better. I saw that he wasn't connected to his tube feeding anymore. "He ate a meal last night. I asked him if it was because he knew he needed to eat, or if it was because he was hungry. And he said he was hungry," his daughter said. I smiled. Praise God! Even for an appetite. They said he had been up, walking around the room during the morning. My jaw dropped. Just a week ago, he couldn't even move his leg an inch. And here he was, strolling around the room?! Unfathomable. I told them I'd come back when he was awake before I left for the day.
So I returned around 3- I saw his wife in the hall and she said he was awake, eating some lunch. So I knocked on the door and peeked my head in. He had his back to me, so I tip toed over. His wife and daughter smiled, waiting for his reaction. I popped my head around the side of the bed. He put his fork down, and almost shoved his tray onto his wife's lap. "HIIIII BABY!" he proclaimed, as he made space for me to hug him. He held me for a while. Me, smiling the whole time. "I missed you!" "I know, I missed you too. Want to stay with us tonight?" Haha we all laughed. His wife was telling me how he walked out to the hallway today, and there were 4 nurses standing around. "There he was in all his glory, with all of the attention on him." Joe shook his head. "No..... not true. Autumn wasn't there," he said, as he smiled. I almost couldn't breathe.... he was cracking jokes again, like he used to do. He was holding conversations. He was making all of us laugh. He was explaining to me what the doctors had said- he gets to go home this weekend, if things stay the way they're going. He pulled out pictures of a previous MRI with the one he had today. Where there once was a quarter/50 cent piece sized white/gray area (tumor), there was a small blur..... A SMALL BLUR!!!!! I got tears in my eyes, and had to look away, as my jaw started to quiver. The only thing that made me not burst out bawling was him joking about the past week. "I am so embarrassed. You wiped SHIT from my crack!" He kept saying how horrible it must have smelled, and such. I couldn't stop laughing.
He is back.......
And I stand in awe of the significance of him in my life..... the lessons that God is teaching me through him. I put limitations on God. I brought small things to Him, because I didn't trust Him to do big things. I confined Him to this box.... God cannot be confined. He is more powerful than disease. He is more powerful than toxicity. God cannot be stopped......
I am so thankful..... I could not be happier..... I still sit here beaming, with a thankful heart. Praise God!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD! What an answer to prayer!!!!! What an incredible lesson.
Please continue to pray for him. He is not in the clear..... but this is a wonderful start. :-) Let this serve as encouragement.... wrestle with God. He desires that physical contact with you. He wants to see you make your positions. He wants to see your faith build.... and He is faithful.
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