Reflecting

I cannot even begin to say how ready I am to get out of here. August cannot come quick enough. I just want my lease to be over so I can bust out of here. Granted, I do like my job. I like the people I work with. I don't have a ton of complaints about work at all. I just have no social life here. And my heart is aching so badly to see my nephew, and watch them grow up. Landunn wanted to call me yesterday morning, so Heidi dialed the number for him. While we were talking, he was like, "Do you want to come play with me?" Without any control over my emotions, my heart was ripped out, and I started sobbing. "Yes, Landunn. I would love to." I managed to get out. More than he will ever know, I want to come play with him. I would give anything to have him jumping on my stomach again, or hiding under the blankets saying "be safe", as we hide from mommy & daddy.

While I'm on the nephew rant, I was thinking today..... how something so awful in my eyes turned out to be one of the greatest gifts ever. I remember getting the phone call 3 years ago today (well yesterday; Valentine's Day) that Heidi was pregnant. I was sooooooo upset with the circumstances. I was speechless. I couldn't even pretend like I was happy for them, because I was let down. But after a few days, I was able to accept that which I could not change. And now..... I realize that it was the best Valentine present ever. I love him so much.

I cannot wait to go home in two weeks. I had planned on going skiing up North in MI with some dear friends of mine. But things weren't really settled. There was still an indefinite aspect to the whole thing. And I didn't want my hopes to be crushed, so instead of being let down, I just decided I would go home that weekend, and go visit those friends another weekend. Not often do I have 4 days off in a row, so I figured I'd use them to my advantage and make the 6 hour drive home. I cannot wait to hug my friends. I hate being so far from them. And I'll actually get to help do wedding stuff with Beth. It's going to be such a wonderful weekend. I'm hoping that I'll get to meet up with Dawn in Jackson as well. I was watching videos we made almost a year ago when she stayed the night, and I was laughing ridiculously. I've been blessed with some pretty incredible people in my life.

I bought a book that I am very excited to read; Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. I've read it before, and it's probably in my top 5 (well top 3) books. But I hadn't bought it until now. I went to Barnes last weekend hoping they had it, but they didn't. And I was just randomly browsing through Walmart's shelves (clearly a God thing), and there it was.... the only copy. There wasn't even a place on the shelf that said "Redeeming Love". It was random. And I was so amped to see it! And for only 12 dollars. If I would've bought it at Barnes, it probably would've been like 20. Woo!!!!

I've been obsessing over music from the 80s and 90s. Seriously, I downloaded a ridiculous amount of songs from those eras last night. They make me so happy. They're not degrading women, they aren't talking about anatomical parts, they're just talking about love, and emptiness. They make me happy. I'm pumped for the car ride home because I have a pretty lengthy playlist to keep me company. I'll be the girl you drive by, and she's belting the song out in her car. And you're making fun of her because she's really into it. And I'll be proud of it. So back off.




I so badly want to find the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with....... I know patience is making me stronger and wiser. But I just really long to share my life with someone.....