let me go home

I cannot even put into words how excited I am to be going home this weekend. This week has been better, I've cried less than the past couple of weeks. I've been up on the floor, meeting nurses and getting a good feel for what working up there will be like, which has been great. But my heart is breaking...

I yearn for something more. It is so difficult.... being so far from home, so far from loved ones, no friends around, not really a good support system at church yet. I am literally here, and feel like nobody in this town cares about me. I could just stop breathing in my apartment, and nobody would know. I miss relationships (friendships) where we spoke our hearts, prayed together, laughed together. Gosh, I miss that so much. I don't really know any of the nurses yet, so I'm still the shy, quiet girl.

I think it would be easier to break out of this if people were a little more considerate. Not that there are any jerks that I have met, I just wish people would take into account all of the change that is occuring in my life.... and take the time to reach out to me. God desired for us to be in community, I learned that over the past year.... and I miss it so much.

I can't remember the time when I last cried so much..... I break down at least once a day. It's just terribly lonely. Go to work, come home. I'm not the type of person to go to a coffee shop and just randomly strike up conversation with someone sitting on a stool. So you can see why it's hard for me to make friends at the moment. I'm just relying on God, that some firm roots will grow with those girls at church- two girls that I met last Sunday invited me to their small group. It started tonight, but I was busy packing & getting stuff around to go home tomorrow, so I can leave right after work and arrive in michigan between 11 & 12. I'm so thankful for how friendly they were. I feel bad that I'm missing church on Sunday. Then I have to work next Sunday. So hopefully things are ok for me to go to small group next Thursday. I really want to connect with these girls, and get to know their hearts. I think I am going to like them.

So yeah, I am so excited to go home. I am not looking forward to the 6 hour drive home, only to spend one day, then come back the following afternoon... then get up for work in the morning. I feel like I need a vacation... already.... from my emotions. I just want to hug people. Do you know how wonderful that would be? I cannot wait to see my mom. I think our bond has grown since I left. We have talked every night since I've been gone (minus 2). And that never happens. I just miss her. I miss my friends- Beth & Danielle, and Danielle's family. I want to get loved on. And just enjoy the day that I have with them. I hope I don't take it for granted. I mean, I want to sleep in on Saturday (tomorrow is going to be a LONNNNNNNG day), but I want to use my time wisely and spend it with as many people as possible.

Please pray for me..... and my aching heart.